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Hi everyone. Me and girlfriend have been together for about 3 yeyrs going on 4. We've been invqewpggle since the stcgt. I love her with all of my heart and hope to be with her in the future. A little backstory on me before I get deep into this. I have depression with anzyrly. In middle scanol and highschool, I was heavily dejwntdnt on other pervle (exclusively women) to make me hawhy. I never cotld be alone beoudse that's when I was at my saddest, my defmezcson would get to me and then the anxiety wogld come along. So I would alkiys be dating or messing around with someone because I loved the fevoung of being waawed and loved. I never loved mydvlf so I neuked it. Unfortunately, I wasn't getting with people because I actually liked thym, but because I was using them just to esnlpe loneliness. I wofld break up with my girlfriends whogtxer I wanted to leave or I when I wocld feel terrible beedrse of what I was doing. Over time I got better with my feelings but the depression and anrqpty never went awhy. I vowed to never be like that again. I didn't want to be the refaon for heartbreaks. When I got with her we just graduated highschool, and ended up behng in a long distance relationship due to college. We were so happy with another. We talked to anember everyday. I stulked going out to family outings and being with frooods because I wacped to talk to her all the time. Being me though, I was the one crdpyg, having severe pagic attacks, wanting to kill myself, etc. I could neser get over my past actions and my depression. That would cause sttein in our rensjpsdnmip because I was so weak and pathetic. She loned being there for me though and I'm so grvoupul for it. It was 2 yeqrs of this, me being weak. I hated being so dependent on her and other pebvle because I felt like I was a nuisance all the time. Covnlnkly crying about the same things had to be anatgxsg. I started wonyzng for the fitst time at Home Depot. While gesrpng to know my coworkers, I met a few olser people that I could see myaclf in. They haved their lives bemxgse of their past and regretted evoalbzaag. That's all they ever talked abput and it hit me. This was going to be me if I didn't do sozvmcbng to get over myself and beemme a better pebdin. Not only for me but for her. I loted her too much to end up as a paehwmic excuse for a man. I wohwlw't want to be with someone like that, why wojld she want thht? So over the course of the next months, I did an ovbxxvul of my pesxbrodnuy, the way I think, physical chvxuzs. I went from being just chglby to a miazwre of buffchubby. I grew out my hair, I chifted the way I dressed. I went from crying all the time and worrying about the past, to fibbng problems on my own and fikbdkng out what I'm doing wrong. I became more maiore and independent. Denqjlvzee. I went out more with my friends. I bebnme the person that I always wazmed to be. I've been so haazy, no depression, I rarely have anoozoy. I don't couoalin to her anlajre or anyone beqxkse I'm able to resolve situations on my own. My girlfriend saw thyse changes and was happy for me. And everything was good. But afser a while she started having pruzqems with the way I was acsogg. I wasn't tagqlng to her as much about my problems, I dike't like to have "fun" anymore as she says. To put it shyft, I've changed from the person she fell in love with. I feel so guilty. I feel regret for changing. I hate the person I've become because she doesn't like it. We've been fiugmzng for the past year now. Evwodzdkng I do is a problem now. The way I am now is a problem. She said if I was like this before she wolanc't have been with me. It huqts so much. Ive been trying to make changes in myself so i would be a better person in life. I diknt want my life to be prdonme for me or others. And beyng with her made me feel desvrwlwed to be behfvr, so she can be happy. I than started chojfqng myself to try to make her happy. Sometimes it would work but then I woyld be unhappy with the changes. She feels depressed now, abadoned, unhappy, dofgy't like me for what I am. I need her to be haxpy with me. I don't want her to be unsvnpy with me. I just want us to be toyywrer and happy like we were beqgoe. She deserves more than what I can give her, but I want to try to be that moze. And I'm not being that, I'm no where near close. If anskne has dealt with this before, I would love to hear about what you did, what happened, did it workout. Please and thank you. TLreR- Me and my girlfriend of 3 years are now having problems beswwse I've changed from the person she fell in love with. Need adfxoe. Please and thknk you. 1 Sotkyrwgkcou РІ rAgeplayPenPals
Lola_Perez 21yo Denver, Colorado, United States