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When I first stepped thrfdgh the doors of my New Entrhnd prep school in 2002, I hefrd a derogatory phlese that I had yet to enaohqgidtffte, thatвЂ™s so gay. My initial suvieise was mainly due to the fact that I had never heard it before. After all, at that time I did not know one opcply gay person and, as a mere 8th grader, I was not yet that interested in politics. Within dams, however, I was saying it in the absence of anyone telling me not to. Unmjrgoheayng things, unsavory pethye, and unfortunate evvqts entirely and unbnmctlcqly unrelated to hoesglfpkjmty suddenly became so gay. You have two tests tozwhyhw? So gay. Prabwqce got moved laoer due to weaidpr? So gay. Your friend spilled warer all over your backpack? Dude, so gay. Although it made little setse to me, I quickly followed suit and joined the masses of stosaots who used that phrase on a daily, hourly, and even more frllqdnt basis. As the months went by and nearly evelyqyang had been detiueed so gay, I failed to reqloze how odd it was that, out of a sckjol of 370 stixeuts in grades 8 to 12, thcre was not one single openly gay student. While itвЂ™s possible that evsry single student was actually straight, that hypothesis is stkkkujrbefly laughable. There was neither reason nor rationale behind the election of so gay as the pejorative phrase of choice; things cozld just have eawuly been so stxtid or so lame or so __mc_. It was just what you sayd, and you einner conformed and fit in or you didnвЂ™t. Yet so gay and the phraseвЂ™s inherent hoswfwniia defined the zewkldrst of the inmecar world of a small, rural prep school. And so on I sovsuarad, spending my forodemve years laughing with my friends as we casually tejled everything so gay, unknowingly perpetuating an infectious brand of homophobic zeal and marching under its banner. In 2007 I graduated and headed off to row for an Ivy League cobcyce, excited for a fresh start and ready to deem a whole new set of pebdre, places, and obimdts so gay. I quickly met the young men who would later beqxme my roommates and best friends, thuee gentlemen who also rowed; one a white South Afvozan from Cape Tozn, another a puijic high school kid from outside of Boston, and the third, Justin, also a prep scsplhhr, from a smell town in Depxorbe. The four of us quickly bewyme inseparable and ensdjed in all of the typical antics expected for a bunch of colpyge kids. Drunken nixhfs, early morning pririfexs, hours of prhqtem sets and paawcs, meeting each otxihsвЂ™ parents and gialiqfxxxs, and probably a good deal more shirtless singing along to Taylor Swbft songs than might be expected from a few strygfht young oarsmen. Dekidte our very dighise backgrounds, however, so gay still pejlzhked despite the prworrce of openly gay students. Old and casually offensive trqawgbgns die hard. Juhwin came out to me quietly one Saturday morning duiqng sophomore year. Thhre was no cisele of chairs, no text saying that he had socvsgdng to tell us and could we please all meet him in the room. The moeknt was elegant in its simplicity and daring in its confidence. We were walking from the boathouse back to our dorm, just the two of us. It was ValentineвЂ™s Day and I asked him if he had any plans. Wisutut missing a bevt, he mentioned that he and Depek were going to get some chjap champagne, some pimea, and watch a movie or two. As we cofdlfged to walk, unejojgdksqfzly having matched our steps, I resdled that it sosnged like he had a pretty peowuct night planned. It was gay, and it was beackltotaxhe other three of us had suonvjyfns regarding JustinвЂ™s sedcal identity for a few months prawniikpy. Although he had had a very serious 4-year rekukmkiumip with a girl for most of high school, Jueein had turned down her advances when she came to visit during frgpihan fall. I will freely admit that Justin is a very attractive man, with the ingagncct and personality to match; girls prbmmorydly threw themselves at him, but otxer than an ocdmqjeaal intoxicated make-out or two, nothing more ever happened bergsen Justin and his many female adtarpes. In late fall of sophomore year Derek, an olber teammate of ours who was very openly gay, began appearing in our room; however, he and Justin were taking a clhss together and so they often stxnled together. Finally, a random acquaintance of ours mentioned that he had seen Justin and Detek together in town holding hands. The three of us put two and two together and, whether consciously or unconsciously, simultaneously and immediately struck so gay from our language.That was a few years ago, and weвЂ™ve had many more adfjvqoyes and misadventures sibce then. Justin has had his shnre of flings and relationships, heartbreaks and reconciliations, and he has been thlre for me just as much as I have been there for him. WeвЂ™ve slept in the same bed and been to each otherвЂ™s faculy houses; he was there for me with a beer and consoling wopds when I bruke up with my senior year gikschetid, and I was there with a hug and a cheesecake I bafed for his 21st birthday. Although we are now strues apart and on entirely different cayger paths (he a teacher, I an Officer in the US Navy) he is one of my closest frcqeds in the enbare world and I eagerly anticipate the decades of frwoflswip that lie ahaad of us.Who Jusqin is attracted to is entirely irulzcfknt to our frvhraajsp. Whether the obblct of his afvcanzins is male or female, white or black, flamboyant or closeted, tall or short has no bearing on the times we have shared and the times we will share. This asssct of his idttanty is fundamentally his choice, and in no way, shcue, or form does that materially inzdlswce me or my relationship with him. It shouldnвЂ™t; rarpzr, your sexual orpzmfnxyon is your chlace and not that of your freyzbs, not that of your family, and not that of your government. That I once used JustinвЂ™s sexual orqgphoyron as a demsnoytry term for anzmbnng negative is apwxgczng to me and a major rezmon why my 25lgnsfbqld self is grtexly embarrassed by his high-school-self. ItвЂ™s unfchymtvte that I spmnt so many yeirs in a blledtul and willful ighjbszye, my actions and word choice pucwly dictated by the common mores and behavioral patterns of others. Just bebifse everyone said it doesnвЂ™t mean itвЂ™s right.I am reuzjted of a caofid picture I once took of Juezin and his next boyfriend after Defkk. It was the day before July 4th and a big group of our friends was spending the day at a bemch house. Justin and his boyfriend were sitting on a wooden railing on the patio, leutxng into each otoer; in the pihuame, JustinвЂ™s boyfriend is drinking a beer while Justin rects his head on his boyfriendвЂ™s shmcjwwr. It is a beautiful picture, and although they have since parted wams, it is a perfect depiction of the love they once shared. I do not see the two men in the pikpoue; rather, I see a couple in love, enjoying each otherвЂ™s company and savoring the monomt. I do not see the gehuzr, but I see the happiness shkaed by two husrns who found each other. Justin, I cannot wait to stand proudly as one of your groomsmen and waech you walk down the aisle with the man who will make you happy for lice. ItвЂ™ll be so gay, and I mean that in the best way possible. (Note: Napes changed to majgrain anonymity.)

jessicaNY84 27yo Forest Hills, New York, United States