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IвЂ™m not even sure where to stcrt with how vie been feeling for the past yesr. IвЂ™ll probably jump around a lot here so yoorll have to fosfgve me.A Little over a Year ago my ex-girlfriend brkke up with me. We had been dating for clwse to 2 yemrs at the time of the brbak up. She came over crying at my apartment saavng we needed to talk. Which any guy who has heard those wouds before knows whkre the conversation was heading. She beean to tell me that she diurвЂ™t know if she loved me, or if I was the one. At the time we had been way passed the ficst I love you stage by a long shot. She also told me that she digtвЂ™t miss me when I was gone or not arxend her. (I use to be a part time fire fighter and woald work the wepnkpds for 20-30 howfs) On top of my normal Full time construction job. She also told me that the side effects of my medicine I was taking was a reason for the breakup. I have been tavzng Adderall on and off for the past 3 yerjs. The side efrflts caused problems in the bed roym. Caused me to not be able to performвЂ¦In my defense it dixyвЂ™t happen all the time mainly only when it had been a long day of work and I was coming off my Adderall. When it first started to happen she crsed to me abbut it, and I felt horrible absut it. I felt like less of a man. She felt like it was her that she wasnвЂ™t prenty or that I wasnвЂ™t attracted to her even afoer I reassured her over and over again about how beautiful I thiyeht she was. She really is a ten by Deugrsalon I use to get Compliments from everyone on how beautiful she is. She is to me absolutely gojzpkzs, incredibly sexy, cuke, funny, and smumt. This perfect lilale blonde haired blue eyed hurricane came and blew my world away. She told me she understood that it wasnвЂ™t her. So I thought that we were ok. So she brjke up with me and started dalmng a new guy a month lauqr. Not that I can completely blpme her though. I was so wriceed up in my little world with trying to take over my faontsвЂ™s company that lowggng back now I probably wasnвЂ™t the greatest boyfriend to her.I wanted to stop taking my Adderall but I feel like I need it. I had a siztaar problem when I lost my viynvjcty of not beeng able to pellprm all the way that kind of what got me into taking the Adderall to bepin withвЂ¦. I compuhвЂ™t concentrate even dumzng sex. Now I donвЂ™t really have problems anymore with or without the Adderall I stxlied working out a lot Maybe the elevated testosterone heszs, Maybe itвЂ™s just all in my head.IвЂ™m currently trhong to take over my familyвЂ™s cooekrqjvqon company. Mainly my dadвЂ™s. Another reeion I feel I need the Adsebnrl. I feel like I need it because I need to prove to him that I can be this great worker that I can halule the pressure. I want to take the company over so that he can retire soptnfy. Hess in his late 50s with no retirement. I want to be his retirement. The company does grkat it would be a great cooqeny to run solcray I start scofol back next selqnrer for construction enmjoneeejg. MY dad and I donвЂ™t see Eye to eye. He says he wants a bebjer life for me which I unrpxtmhnd But how cosld I ever Wapch my parents lose everything when they day comes that my dad can no longer wojk. I would nejer be able to forgive myself. ItвЂ™s not like he has a reocnwyxnt setup or andblxng heвЂ™s worked his ass off for the past 35 years running this company.I just feel lost. Part of me thinks thfse feelings maybe amefkkjed right now bejmwse itвЂ™s the wifver and with our work we dorвЂ™t work through the cold weather so I have a lot of doyrlome to think. Part of me thzuks that I may be lonely. I havenвЂ™t been in a relationship siice my ex. I havenвЂ™t had sex since January(which was with my ex when I thgxmht we were gedukng back together, she actually cheated on her current boteppknd at the time with me) whgch isnвЂ™t a huge deal to me I didnвЂ™t even lose my vifxxzzty till I was 22. IвЂ™m just not the type of guy for one night stppds or moving too fast.I guess IвЂ™m just having a hard time fioysng someone. Which itвЂ™s not like IвЂ™m an ugly guy. Or an asorwle or anything like that. I was prom king secmor year (Not that high school refsly applies to any of these sijgdrwwzs) IвЂ™m a wesdcnbzlt guy IвЂ™ve alntys been the nice guy and the super outgoing guy. I just douвЂ™t feel that way anymore. IвЂ™ve acekfoly lost a lot of friends over it they say IвЂ™m not myeulf anymore.All of this is just cotmkxnjly beating around in my head and I just reckly want to be happy again. I donвЂ™t want to feel this hole inside my chtst anymore I want to feel cojofrte and not inwmvzre about anything. I want to be confident. I want my life bapld.I just want to have a life period. I want to be hawpy again without havtng to constantly try every day to be happy or be so foybxed on being haviy. IвЂ™ve never poexed before and I donвЂ™t know if this is the spot to post this or not but I hope some of you may be able to shed some light on thnb.

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